Walter and Astrid Write an Erotic Novel
by SoItGoes19
Summary: Walter persuades Astrid to help him write a romance novel, which turns out to star Peter and Olivia in a variety of smutty situations.
1. Chapter 1

Walter and Astrid Write an Erotic Novel

**Hello! This story was inspired by reading a hilariously scathing review of a popular erotic novel, which I could definitely see having been written by an irate Walter. I couldn't get the plot bunny out of my head, and thus this fic was born : )**

**Haven't written for Fringe in a very long time, so hopefully I still have the voices down. Constructive criticism is always appreciated!**

Walter threw the novel on to the lab floor in frustration, causing a resounding thud. _How? _ The thought reverberated in his mind over and over again as he gently massaged his temples. _How?_

His assistant peeped out at him from Gene's stall. "Walter," She said slowly, her kind brown eyes looking remarkably similar to their bovine friend's. "Why are you throwing things? Are you alright?"

He took a deep breath and forced himself to become calm. Aster had been getting on him lately to "use his words" when he was angry. "No, Astroid, I am not alright! How is it that people can actually read this," he stuttered," this _garbage?_"

He gave into his theatrical side and kicked the book over to her, relishing the sound it made as it slid across the smooth linoleum floor.

Astrid's eyebrows shot up as she read the title. "Walter, do you realized what this is?" she screeched, pointing to the cover as she ran over to him. "This is one of those trashy romances you buy at the grocery store! They're like hardcore pornography for middle-aged women!"

"And it's horrible!" he declared. "I remember the days when writers of erotica were actually literate. Like Donna Storey or A.N. Roquelaure – oh they could write some scenes that could make your toes curl."

"Wait, you actually like that kind of thing?" she asked.

"Well, of course," Walter said, surprised she would even ask. "Some long as they are well-written, any type of book can have something to offer. But this is an insult to the genre! The love interest is a cookie-cutter character from a teenage girls fantasy, and the female lead is incapable of doing anything except blushing and stammering. And the sex scenes! The girl climaxes every other page! It's like the drop of a hat. He touches her and she orgasms. He says her name and she orgasms. He - "

"Ok, I get the picture," she laughed, interrupting his rant.

"And to think this was on the New York Times best-seller list," he said sadly, running has hands along the side of the lab table. All of a sudden a wonderful idea occurred to him.

"Afro, I have a splendid idea: I'll write my own book!" he cried.

"No." she said immediately.

"But why not?" he pouted.

"Because….because we have cases to work on."

"That's not true!" he said triumphantly. "There hasn't been a fringe incident all week."

"Well how would you even know what to write about anyways?" she challenged.

"My dear, you underestimate me! I have plenty of experience needed to write a book of this sort. I've had many lovers throughout my lifetime, and I'm quite knowledgeable in the ways of pleasing a woman." He raised his eyebrows at her in a display of mock arousal. "But if you still don't believe me I'd be willing to give a demonstration."

Astrid just laughed. "What woman would be able to resist that kind of charm?"

Walter smiled. It was times like this when he truly appreciated his assistant, one of the few people who actually understood his sense of humor.

"So I can do it?" he asked.

"Walter, I'm not your babysitter. Actually, I kind of take that back: I am your babysitter, but only to make sure that you don't hurt yourself or burn down the lab. I can't tell you how to spend your free time. So yes, you can do it."

"Yessssss!" he exclaimed, his hands into the air.

"Under one condition," she continued. "I need to see it before you show it to anyone else. I don't want you giving your "masterpiece" to Broyles and landing all of us in sexual harassment training."

He could do her one better. "How about you be my editor? I can show you the drafts of my chapters and you can help me improve them along the way."

She twirled a lock of hair around her finger. "I don't know if I would be good at that kind of thing, Walter."

"You are a woman, are you not?" He asked, scanning her from top to bottom just to make sure.

Astrid blushed and crossed her arms over her chest. "Yes, I'm a woman!"

"Then your perspective could prove _invaluable_ during the creative process."

"Ugh, fine I'll be your editor," she agreed, shaking her head. "I can't believe I'm actually agreeing to this."

"Me neither," he admitted happily. Astro was so much fun sometimes. He could never have gotten Agent Dunham to agree to something like this. "But you won't regret it! I'll start immediately! You'll have a draft of the first chapter on your desk first thing tomorrow morning!"

Walter plopped down at his computer and cracked his knuckles in excitement. He knew exactly what he was going to write about.


	2. Chapter 2

A nice quiet weekend had done Astrid good. No middle of the night wake up calls from Broyles, no bizarre snack runs, and no baby-sitting Walter at the lab. So by the time she got to work on Monday, she was feeling refreshed and rejuvenated. She was ready for anything.

"Ostrich, I brought you my first chapter!" Walter cried, bounding over to her as she entered the lab.

Anything but that.

Astrid had been deeply hoping that Walter's erotic novel would be one of his ideas that never saw the light of day. She definitely didn't consider herself a prude, but the idea of reading about Walter's idea of romance did make her a little nervous. But of course the universe (and Walter) loved proving her wrong.

She looked at the brilliant scientist and fought the urge to smile. He looked like he was filled to the brim with excitement, with his grey eyes wide open and his body quivering, as if he were forcing himself not to jump up and down.

"Ok, Walter," she said. "I'll look at it; just let me get my coat off. "

Walter nodded and let her run through her usual morning routine before gently placing the first draft on her desk. He grabbed a nearby stool and sat down, implying that he intended to watch her read the entire thing.

And read she did. She got through about nine and a half pages before she reached an extremely familiar looking passage.

_Agent Anna forced herself to hurry. She only had fifteen minutes to get into the building and turn on the ventilation system to spread the antidote. If she failed the government had authorized a Level 6 Eradication, an order that allowed the army to enter the building and kill everyone inside to keep the virus from spreading – including Josh. _

_Agent Anna had only worked with Josh for about half a year now, but her feelings for him were already getting blurry. After the death of her last lover, who turned out to be a traitor both to herself and her country, Anna swore to herself that she would never again open her heart to another man. But lately, the sarcastic ex-con had been worming his way into her thoughts, as she was thinking about him constantly. _

_Her body was another thing entirely. She had begun to crave his touch. When he handed her the paperwork from the latest case, her entire body would crackle with electricity. And when he put his arm around her after a long day, she would breath deeply and lean into him, her mind telling her to stop, but her heart begging her to go further. _

_Agent Anna pushed those confusing thoughts away and forced herself to concentrate on the mission at hand. She was currently in the garage, but if she took the stairs to her left, she would be able to reach the control room in no time. _

_She heard footsteps behind her. Agent Anna turned around and found herself face to face with none other than Josh himself. _

"_Anna," he rasped. "You have to let me out." The virus had turned his throat raw, making his voice nearly an octive deeper than his normal tones. It gave Anna goosebumps and made her hair stand on end in excitement. _

"_You know I can't do that, Josh," she said with regret. "You're infected." _

"_Please," he begged. "I can't control it. The virus is making me do things…it's not me!" Josh twisted in pain and Anna couldn't help but notice his prominent abdominal muscles peeking through his dark grey t-shirt._

"_What is the virus making you do?" Anna asked, holding her breath. She was almost afraid to know the answer. _

"_Things that I want to do, but I know that I shouldn't," Josh answered. Suddenly his green eyes hardened, and he strode over to Olivia swiftly. He cupped her cheek and brought their bodies close – closer than they had ever been before. Olivia could feel his warm breath on her body, making her heart race like a wild stallion._

"_Things like this," he whispered. And then suddenly, he was kissing her. His lips were softer than pillows, and as they moved against hers nothing had ever felt so right. She parted her lips slowly as his tongue entered her mouth, encircling hers and thrusting back and forth like a deadly serpent. _

_He quickly undid her button-down and tossed it to the floor. His hands kneaded her breast softly while he pressed delicate kisses along the line of her clavicle, all the while increasing his rhythm. He flicked at her nipple with tongue before biting it. _

_She moaned deeply. Her body felt like it was on fire, with each touch setting it a light once more. Her breath came to her in ragged gasps, making it difficult to even think. The only emotion, the only thought that pervaded her mind was a deep and aching sense of want. _

_She lowered her hands beneath his belt to feel his erection. She lowered his zipper and massaged his member, running her hands up and down the course of his long shaft. _

_He shuddered and moaned. "Anna," he gasped. "I want…"_

_She silenced him with a kiss. "It's ok, Peter," she said huskily. "I want it too."_


	3. Chapter 3

**Hey guys! Sorry about the long wait; work/reality has a nasty habit of taking over sometimes. So, here's chapter three, entailing Astrid diving in toher dorky side and explaining the concept of shipping to Walter. Thanks for everyone who reviewed the previous chapter, and hopefully people still enjoy the rest of the story!**

** Reviews/constructive criticism are always appreciated : )**

Astrid threw the story down on to her desk and turned to face its author.

"Walter, are you freaking kidding me? The characters in this story are obviously Peter and Olivia!"

His mouth dropped open in shock. "How did you know that?" he asked.

Even with all the weirdness of a grown man writing a story shipping his son and a co-worker together, she couldn't help but giggle a little bit. "Well in some places you forgot to even change the names," she said, pointing to the end of the passage she had just read. "And the descriptions aren't exactly discreet."

Her eyes wandered back up to the description of Olivia (or Anna, as she was referred to in the book.)

_It was easy to see that Agent Torv was a beautiful woman. Her figure was slim but strong, with long legs and shapely hips. She had long blond hair that she usually pulled back into a pony-tail, emphasizing the sharp contours of her features. Her eyes, however, were the most striking piece of all. The were an ice blue, made almost grey in certain lights, with a look to them that could only be described as haunted. For all her confidence and strength, Agent Anna Torv was distant and cold, as if her heart needed some man to walk into her life to warm her up again._

"Not to mention blatantly sexist," she quipped. "Women don't _need _a man to come in and fix them, Walter. Especially not Agent Dunham."

"But she does, you see! Peter is the perfect complement for Olivia, and she for him as well. If only both of them would see it!"

"I had no idea you were such a shipper," she said with a smirk.

He blinked in confusion. "What is this 'shipping' you refer to?"

Astrid sighed. She had spent _way_ too much time as an awkward teenager on the internet.

"Shipping is when you pair two people together that you want to be in a relationship. When a ship is popular sometimes it gets a title, usually a combination of the two people's names."

He whooped in approval. "Oh how delightful! So in this case their ship would be…Olivishop! No wait, Duneter! Hhm… that doesn't quite sound right either…"

"Alright, don't hurt yourself," Astrid said dryly.

"This time I've got it: Polivia!"

"Not bad," Astrid said, smiling. "You're a shipping natural."

Walter beamed. "I'm just a firm proponent of true love. Especially when it involves the possibly of siring my grandchildren."

At the mention of grandchildren Astrid couldn't help but reread Peter/Josh's _(Posh's?)_ character description.

_Agent Josh Jackson threw his rugged leather jacket over his shoulder and began walking toward them. Agent Anna Torv slowly licked her lips. With his cunning green eyes, cropped brown hair, and well-toned body, he had the sort of easy good looks that could make many a woman swoon. (Most people correctly assumed that he had received those good looks from his equally attractive father – who was also a brilliant world-renowned scientist.)_

Well, modesty had never been one of Walter's strong points. And considering the graphic nature of the rest of the chapter she should be happy he hadn't spend a paragraph describing the length of his son's penis.

Astrid shuffled the pages of the chapter in order and handed them back to Walter. All in all she wouldn't be surprised if Peter and Olivia actually did get together. It never would have happened like that, though.

Walter made a noise that sounded like a combination of a girlish squeal and a dying bird and tossed the papers into the air.

"Ah ha! So _you'__ve_ thought about it too! Treating me like some dirty old man while you've been cooking up fantasies of your own. Shame on you, Ostrich!"

Wait…. had she just said that out loud?

"I haven't been cooking up fantasies," she said weakly. "I have my own love life to think about, remember?"

"What love life?" he challenged, confidently crossing his arms over his chest. "You've been too busy with cases to even think about having – "

"Ok, fine, so I've thought about it once or twice." Astrid admitted hastily (if only to prevent Walter from digging further into her now comatose sex life.) "And even I know they never would have gotten together like that. Olivia would never have sex during a mission. She's too driven."

"So how would they get together?" Walter asked.

Astrid screwed up her face in concentration. "It would be romantic. It would be more like…"


End file.
